Through my eyes

I knew it wouldn't be long before this shitty sinking feeling sets in again, but I didn't expected it to come so soon. It's like the waves in the open seas... Sometimes it is so calm, peaceful and such a picture of beauty that you'd rather be there than anywhere else in the world, but sometimes the storm sets in and you'd rather drown in the waters right here right now instead of wondering when your ship will sink. And I am feeling the latter, and it does not feel good one bit.

It's really tiring and difficult. Everyday seems like it's filled with emptiness, so quiet and cold. Such a lonely place that I have to endure alone without her embrace. They said that every man has his limit, and there's even things that the greatest warriors could not do. There's only so long I can wait but everytime I think of how it could be in the future, with her, it just galvanizes me and I push on. But again, there's only so much punishment a person can take. But my incarceration within these bars is only the work of my own love, my own love for her. She's not to blame, not one bit... I can only blame myself for falling too deep for her.

But I made her a promise that I'd wait forever and a day for her, and I will honour that. It's the only thing that keeps me going. I found myself checking my phone every few minutes, just in case I missed out anything that she sent or said. Is this the way of a person that has left with nothing? I sure think so, because I am nothing without her, and now I am without her.

Just an empty shell, just a living corpse, just a lonely soul.

I find writing gives me that bit of company that I long for... I don't know who am I talking to and what exactly am I doing, but it just relieves me of that pain by a little bit. And poems bring my emotions to light with a touch of gentleness, but also with the hint of the emptiness that I have. I really don't know who am I anymore. Sending her self composed poems... Does she even care? Does she ever look into the metaphors and meanings behind? Nobody knows. Only she knows but if I were to hope she would tell me, I'd be too daft.

But I'll be around the corner, just waiting. Just hoping. But forever wondering when it's going to be the day. The day of salvation. My salvation. Suddenly the flower reeks of poison, with such a lethal dose that I could be paralyzed with a single drop of her toxic venom. But it's an intoxicating one that I think I'm sickly addicted to.

Save me, or kill me right here and now girl. Please.