The best thing that's ever been mine.

2011-07-05T09:30:00.001-07:00

"海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外"

2011-07-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

Lines that cross, paths that cross...
These lines will meet...
These lines will converge...
These lines will be together and criss cross,
Then they continue on their way.

两个不同世界的人, 唯一的错误是说过"我爱你".

The only mistake two people from different worlds can make, was to say "I Love You".

2011-06-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

When you walk down a path with someone, and suddenly you're alone. You track back that path, only to find what's always there, is not there anymore. You frantically search for that person who was your confidant, your pillar of support. But nobody is there, nobody will be. You thought you were safe, I thought wrong.

Will we ever find ourselves and each other again... That is the question that is on my mind always. I'll keep finding. I know you're somewhere out there, somewhere that's familiar, somewhere that we know. I just got to find it. I hope you'll find it.

Because we were never meant to walk this path alone.

"What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them..."

2011-04-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I guess it's better not to say anything... Anything at all, even if it's for good intentions. I can see it from a mile away.

"I'd like to think the world is good and pure, but too many bitches and bastards have ruined that picturesque view."

Footballitis

2011-01-03T04:42:00.000-08:00

I didn't get enough football yesterday, and now I'm suffering the effects. But I have a plan. Work out everyday for this week and I'll see what the result looks like, see if baby likes it. :p

Just a blog post "for the sake of it", don't want any cobwebs to grow now, would we?

Wanna end of with a phrase "the most hurtful thing to feel is to be doubted of your affection to someone you love". Luckily mine isn't. :)

Go burn yourself.

2010-11-30T01:48:00.000-08:00

Count to ten... Count to hundred. Ack, forget it. Forgive and forget may be a trait that is non-existent when I have so many adjectives to describe you*, and none of them are PG13.

You* may act like you're full of class and the upper standards, but to me, you're* just full of shit.

If there's one thing that I seriously hate, it's being disrespected like that. There is always a line in social interactions and when it is crossed, you know you're being disrespected. You* just did that, and I wish for the day that your mask of hyprocracy burns, together with the incineration of everything that you* own.

A tad too much? Maybe. At least that beats counting to ten. Now we just need a spark.

I'm surprised I entered this post without the use of a single swear word. Because in my eyes, everything you* do and say just makes you* look more like a piece of shit. (Now that's not a swear word, I'm using that as a noun, and it is also one of the adjectives that are used to describe you.*)

Go burn yourself six feet under.

Go away, went away

2010-11-21T12:30:00.000-08:00

The translation of go away:

1) You're not needed.

2) You're everything that's negative.

3) Fuck off.

4) A definition online told me it was to become invisible or unnoticeable.

5) Or, it could be, I'm having a bad time and I appreciate if you could give me some personal space.

Which comes to your mind first when you hear those words? Simple words, but to great effect.

I tried to make it better, but that's all I got. I'll go away for now. But I'll be back for you.

2010-10-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

Standing by. You.

But hurts to know.

Heart is sinking.

Nothing to do.

But won't do nothing.

Tried and tried.

How can I prove.

Present and future.

Only you.

Just The Way You Are

2010-09-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

I remember driving down the road that night, holding your hand, as you drift away into slumber. This song was playing on the radio. It was for you. :)

2010-09-14T00:25:00.000-07:00

The sudden influx of... SPAM. ARGH!!! Irritating to the maximus. I thought after changing the tag box it would be gone. Guess that doesn't solve the problem huh. Hmmm... >:/

Any suggestions?

7th September, 2010

2010-09-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

7th September, 2010

We could be searching, but now we're found.

Our palms could be dangling, but now they're held.

I'm thankful you came into my life too, Baby. ^ ^

A night I fell in love... with Magnum Gold

2010-08-30T07:08:00.001-07:00

I seriously felt like my legs were gonna give way today. Yesterday, it was footie in the morning, while prior to that, I only had an hour's worth of sleep. After footie was a nap of about 4 hours, while I was awake through the entire night doing my SO assignment (okay I crept half an hour before dawn broke). So... in 48 hours, I only slept about 5.5 hours... Guess I maximised my life there? Awesome stuff. But I felt I was getting too old for this during the lesson, and started doodling stuff, as always. :)

But I was the most awake the previous night, while I was outside, with someone special. I knew everything that was happening. And what a rush of emotion, it was. :)

I still can't get that moment out of my head even in class today, and that hint of Magnum Gold on my lips. Let's go for another round of Magnum Gold again babybun, it's... addictive. ^ ^

"You couldn't wait just one more day" - Magnum Gold advert

My Reason

2010-08-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

You're already the reason. ^ ^

Wish You Were Here

2010-08-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

"Wish you were here"

is not just a figure of speech,

is not just a way to make them feel better.

It is a phrase of the utmost sincerity that you wish that the other party was right there with you, at that very moment. Be it for that moment or for always, you just wished that person was just next to you. To speak to, to hold, to have a connection with.

If I could have a wish right here, right now, I wouldn't want anything else in the world but to wish, you were here. ^ ^

2010-08-25T02:38:00.000-07:00

"You know your action hero is too old when his dentures fall out from the recoils of the machine gun, and while he has to reload after every 200 rounds, he has to pee every 15 minutes".

HAHA.

2010-08-23T16:11:00.001-07:00

I was never perfect,

I was never a prince,

But what I know for a fact,

Is where my heart leans.

I am not in shining armour,

I am but not a knight,

Your hand I'll take through the darkest hour,

Till eventually there is light.

It's Not Tomorrow Yet - James

2010-08-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

Just for tonight, perhaps one plus one may not be two

Just for tonight, you may question what you thought you knew

Just for tonight, what you envisioned may all be another fiction

Just for tonight, there might be an addition of a new addiction

Just for tomorrow, perhaps the sun may fail to rise

Just for tomorrow, all you had may not suffice

Just for tomorrow, a flower may fail to bloom

Just for tomorrow, a grey cloud comes to loom

In the tomorrow of tomorrows, men be old and grey

In the tomorrow of tomorrows, you don't find your way

In the tomorrow of tomorrows, looking back on what was called today

In the tomorrow of tomorrows, was there something you wanted to say?

For the TB030 peeps

2010-08-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

Remember this? :p

Met up with Noi for lunch today in school and chekgu came up to her!!! Yes, it's Yasmeen! TB030 peeps I guess most of you guys have not seen her for so long... Haha... I think it's been 4 years, since we graduated... And she's taking the same course as me.

Suddenly I'm reminded of the days when we used to go to school just to skip lectures so that we could go catch a movie or something... Or we would leave halfway through the lecture to go rent the soccerball from the sports counter to play footie... Those days... Epic.

2010-08-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

There you are! :)

Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez

2010-08-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

I might just get the Manchester United away shirt for this season and have "Chicharito 14" printed on it. Javier Hernandez (pictured above) is my new United player! I said I wouldn't get any of the Manchester United shirts this season since they look really weird, but Hernandez could change my mind! Chicharito is his nickname, by the way, which means "Little Pea", for the green eyes that he has. Oh by the way, the beautiful shirt above isn't a Manchester United shirt. It's Mexico's away shirt, which, coincidentally, hangs comfortably in my wardrobe. Hehe.

And, he influenced me to get myself a Mexican name! Haha... Yes, I wrote a post all about a footballer. He scores the goals, he is a red devil, he will rock you. But he's younger than me... What am I doing here?!?! :(

A great day out.

2010-08-04T05:53:00.001-07:00

Outback James

Yesterday was a great day. Spent the whole day out and I think, it was the best day I had since I could remember having any good days. Tired I was, but happy I still am, for the company was top-notch. I liked part one and part two, both. :p

2010-08-02T11:33:00.001-07:00

I do hope and pray, that the weather tomorrow will be a fine one. No rain, not too sunny, that's just what I need. :D

2010-07-31T10:59:00.000-07:00

I spent some time to think of a Mexican-Spanish name for myself after inspiration from DDB... So here goes, "Jamicharito Gonzalez"... It kinda means "little Jami, sort of what LT and Mel calls me, and the Gonzalez... Well... It's just a name taken from "yee ba yee ba andeleh andeleh Speedy Gonzalez". Wish I could be as fast as him!

From the picture, you can actually see I really had a bit of time on my hands. Well just for laughs anyway.

Hope somebody wakes up tomorrow.

2010-07-28T09:13:00.001-07:00

I wanna say something but I don't know what to say so I will not say anything that does not have to be said which will lead me to saying how is your day?

Blabbermouth me.

Anyway, done my first real piece of work since the start of the semester today, did some research on South Africa, China, and Vietnam. Interestingly, the CIA lists "fish" as one of Singapore's natural resources... I guess they really had nothing to put in there huh? But it's alright, our country produces "ornamental fish" too.

Why can't we produce fluffy unicorns?

Android App of the day: Power Dock

2010-07-27T13:01:00.001-07:00

Maroon 5 - Misery

2010-07-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

I don't feel too good.

2010-07-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

This is for the Dao Dao Bun. Haha! Minion mania!!! Happy Birthday! (eve)

Android App of the day: GoTo Lock

2010-07-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

My very own minion!!!

2010-07-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

I just realised I haven't been using my MacBook for some time and thought it might be a good idea to fire it up just to do some updates and let it do it's thing... But... To my absolute horror, there are red stains on the blardy thing that I can't remove no matter how hard I try!!! To add insult to injury, the red stains have run to the charger as well. Oh my goat. This is bad... Real bad. The pristine white colour of my beautiful MacBook has been ruined. :(

Android App of the day: ChompSMS :)

Now That She's (You're) Gone

2010-07-22T02:59:00.000-07:00

Girl you know I miss you so

I didn't know you had to go
You've had enough of our distance baby
Before I had the chance to say
I'm staying with you

For the rest of my life

Don't keep telling me these words

You don't know how much it hurts
And I'll promise you eternity

If you promise me your stay
But now it's too late

I'm no longer the man that I was

I will go on without her

Like a fool who's too sure
I'm like a bird who's lost her wing

A fire without its flame
I don't know how to be strong

When my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul

Now that she's gone
What's left of us is this song

Don't keep telling me these words

You don't know how much it hurts
And I'll promise you eternity

If you promise me your stay
But now it's too late

I'm no longer the man that I was

And I will go on without her

Like a fool who's too sure
I'm like a bird who's lost her wing

A fire without its flame
I don't know how to be strong

When my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul

Now that she's gone
What's left of us is this song

This is our song without a soul

Now that you're gone
What's left of us in this song

2010-07-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

Went for a movie with half of my MC group mates this evening after our lecture. We went to watch "The Blood Pledge". It's this Korean horror movie which is directed by the same director as "Wishing Stairs". I enjoyed Wishing Stairs years ago when it showed here, so I thought I would give this one a shot.

Well, scare rating:

WS - 3/5

TBP - 4/5

But don't get me wrong though, it's scarier than "Wishing Stairs", but for the wrong reasons. It's one of those where they try to hard to scare you. Yes, it's scary, and got me curling up on my seat, like a little boy. But too bad I was finding the logic of most of the ghost scenes... So,

Movie rating:

WS - 4/5

TBP - 3/5

Just my 2 cents worth... :)

Inception is still tops for me.

2010-07-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

Check out the clip at 1:00... Epic cute! I really wanna watch this show right now... And everybody I've asked, has either watched it, or ain't interested in it... :(

Does this count as annoying? *bok bok bok pik pok bok*

2010-07-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

I guess it's never right to force happiness... Especially your own. But what if you have to? What if, if you don't do that, you'll fall in a downward spiral? What if it's necessary to do that, in order to be normal again?

So I will.

Haha.

2010-07-19T00:47:00.001-07:00

I'll be better this time - Whatever that may mean.

2010-07-19T00:45:00.000-07:00

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But its killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you dont really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and itll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know its not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this aint easy,
Easy for me.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry

2010-07-18T23:45:00.000-07:00

Featuring
Ne-Yo: Closer
Estelle & Kanye West: American Boy
Rihanna: Disturbia
Madonna, Justin Timberlake, & Timbaland: 4 Minutes
Britney Spears: Gimme More
Lupe Fiasco & Matthew Santos: Superstar
Kardinal Offishal & Akon: Dangerous
Pussycat Dolls: When I Grow Up
Danity Kane: Damaged
Leona Lewis: Bleeding Love
Flo Rida & T-Pain: Low

2010-07-18T13:15:00.001-07:00

回忆过去,
痛苦的相思忘不了,
为何你还来,
拨动我心跳?

2010-07-18T00:07:00.000-07:00

I found this on YouTube. It's supposed to be a mash up of the top 25 Billboard hits of 2009. I was never a fan of mash ups but when I heard this I was like o_o... So here's the supposed list of songs that are supposed to be in the song (yes, I did use 'supposed' two times in a sentence, any problem with that?). Can you find them all? :)

By the way, you can download the song from here .

The Black Eyed Peas - BOOM BOOM POW
Lady Gaga - POKER FACE
Lady Gaga Featuring Colby O'Donis - JUST DANCE
The Black Eyed Peas - I GOTTA FEELING
Taylor Swift - LOVE STORY
Flo Rida - RIGHT ROUND
Jason Mraz - I'M YOURS
Beyonce - SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)
Kanye West - HEARTLESS
The All-American Rejects - GIVES YOU HELL
Taylor Swift - YOU BELONG WITH ME
T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake - DEAD AND GONE
The Fray - YOU FOUND ME
Kings Of Leon - USE SOMEBODY
Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo - KNOCK YOU DOWN
Jamie Foxx Featuring T-Pain - BLAME IT
Pitbull - I KNOW YOU WANT ME (CALLE OCHO)
T.I. Featuring Rihanna - LIVE YOUR LIFE
Soulja Boy Tell 'em Featuring Sammie - KISS ME THRU THE PHONE
Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne - DOWN
Miley Cyrus - THE CLIMB
Drake - BEST I EVER HAD
Kelly Clarkson - MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU
Beyonce - HALO
Katy Perry - HOT N COLD

2010-07-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, just in case you're wondering what Flavio looks like:

2010-07-17T05:33:00.000-07:00

I changed the colours of the blog a bit... To match my new footie boots - Black and Yellow. :) Do let me know if it is difficult to read... Oh yes, my new boots has a name: Flavio. It means to be yellow haired in Spanish. :D

Oh yeah, the new tag board is due to the weird amount of spam I've been getting recently...

2010-07-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

Tears don't wash away the pain, because they just epitomize it.

But that doesn't mean it's wrong to cry, for it is only human to tear.

That tear that ripped your heart apart will cause a tear in your eye.

But that tear in my eye will always be there, for you.

Never will be, and so never will I.

2010-07-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

Helpless: Marked by an inability to act or react.

Helpless, that was what I felt when I saw you walk through that door into the room. We did talk days before this but I didn't know I would be so overwhelmed by the sight of your beautiful face - again.

Helpless, by the fact that I cannot hold tightly you in my arms and tell you how much I love you anymore.

Helpless, by the fact that all I can say is Hi, and smile, when I could be kissing your forehead and tell you how beautiful you look.

Helpless, by the fact that I can only see your long hair tied into a bun and not run my fingers through it and tell you how great it smells.

Helpless, by the fact that your hands are fiddling with your pen, where I could be holding it so tight where it fits nicely on mine after a kiss on the back of your hand.

Helpless, by the fact that we are just friends.

I thought I cleared myself up and I could look forward to school. But those familiar tears are hindering my view - again. I thought I reset.

I thought wrong.

Just a Friend

2010-07-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

"We're still good friends"... Then I teared. I didn't mean to, but I did anyway. I'm sorry. :(

Love learnt

2010-07-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

This whole chapter has been a big chapter in my life. But there are still important things that I learnt.

If something or someone means so much to you, go ahead, take the plunge.

Don't hold anything back and just go ahead with what you want to do for it, or the other person. Because if you do fail, you will never regret not doing something which you thought you should have done. Instead of saying would have, should have and could have in the end, make it will be, shall be, and can be.

You are not the only determinant of success or failure.

Sometimes you go out of your way to make things happen. But they don't. It may not be your fault, for there are greater forces in life that makes things work. Be it fate, time, chance, or whatever, you might still fail. But falling back to the first lesson, don't leave anything behind.

Love makes the world go round.

My world stopped and came to a screeching halt when things didn't go right. And boy, did it spin round and round when she made me feel like I was invincible. I wasn't able to control anything, or do anything right. Now I will learn that I will try to be in control - of myself.

If you love someone, make that sacrifice for their happiness - even if it was your own.

I love her dearly and for the reason that she cannot stay here and I cannot go back with her, I have to let her go (it's not like I had the luxury of a choice anyway). To be able to pursue her dreams and aspirations, I will let go and let her go in peace. It's the last thing I can give her anyway.

Although I still love her dearly and I cannot do without her, I have to learn. I have to try. I will walk on forward, but I will always look back. I will still think about her, and think about what could have been, but when I awake from the fictitious delusion, each feet will overlap the other toward absolute uncertainty.

**Lastly, I love you, Precious. The words I said to you still stand, you'll never be alone. You'll, in time, be another's Sunshine and Beautiful Flower. The honour of taking care of you, growing old with you, kissing you on your forehead every night as I say goodnight, and waking up to your smile will not be mine. But it was a hell of an honour to be able to do the things I did for you. I never regretted one bit, never will I do. But to walk on without your hand in mine, it's the hardest thing in the world to do, for you mean the world to me. I wanted to write our story chapter by chapter, and never having it to end. But I guess, sadly, the story stops here. I will still write, but not of good things anymore, it will be only of the sad past.

It will be the hardest thing to look into your eyes and smile again. Goodbye, love. Kyay zu par, for everything.

Closing Time

2010-07-05T11:52:00.001-07:00

Closing Time

James

Just before you left,

We bared our hearts.

Now that you're back,

We can't even get to 'hi'.

Nonchalant as you were,

Nonchalant as you are,

I still can't do it like you,

Our distance now is so far.

I still love you without a doubt,

A love so deep I can't live without,

But I guess it's time to move on,

The battle sadly was never won.

It's close to closing time,

There's not much of it left,

My life is like a mime,

Your sweet goodnights I won't have.

I might wish you all the best,

Now sincerely I'll always do,

But in my heart I won't rest,

Till the day we hug again.

That day will never come,

And then you will go,

We won't again be as one,

I guess it's time to fold.

Damien Rice - Cannonball

2010-07-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little hard to say what's going on

There's still a little bit of your ghost your witness
There's still a little piece of your face i haven't kissed
You step a little closer to me
Still i can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There's still a little bit of your song in my ear
There's still a little bit of your words i long to hear
You step a little closer each day
So close that i can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And i don't want to scare her
It's not hard to fall
And i don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

2010-07-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

I guess this is my emo corner. Whenever I emo, I write. Mind is in a state of whirl, despite all the laughter, smiles, and days of feigning happiness.

Call me hypocritical, call me a liar.

You know what? I think you're right.

It's been a while Precious, it's been a long while.

Welcome back, Sunshine.

2010-07-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

The Returning of You

I miss your voice,

I miss your eyes,

But now I'm lost,

From the depths I cannot arise.

I miss your healing touch,

Your comforting embrace.

I'm still bleeding wounded,

Why won't you come back?

I miss the smell of your hair,

Sniffed at it when we hugged,

Scents that will elude me

Why won't you come back?

Your sweet voice still lingers,

Every tear still tingles.

I still need your lullaby,

So why won't you come back?

Kissed you on your forehead,

Told you your importance,

Now we can't go ahead,

Why won't you come back?

I said everything I could,

And even those I couldn't,

Now I miss everything about you,

Why won't you come back?

In the days I don't see you,

During the nights I'm with you,

I awake to realize fiction,

And the cycle will continue.

I can't take this no more

I'm still not alright,

Till the day you come back,

But just not by my side.

I Love You Precious.

Awaiting your return.

2010-06-25T10:49:00.001-07:00

Boundaries - Love Learnt to Learn

James

Post-its on your door,

One thing all it was for,

To hear you say you'll stay,

But you had to go anyway.

Yellow papers that carried a message,

All I wrote in my heart I envisaged,

Together into our old and grey,

All along into the month of May.

You said you had to finally go,

And then to me you said no,

From your eyes it was much too clear,

My dreams to reality it won't appear.

As you turned and walked away,

I was left alone to hope and pray,

That one day you will finally say,

Love knows no boundaries so I will stay.

2010-06-20T07:42:00.001-07:00

Somehow I love the feeling of physical exhaustion... Call me sadistic, call me stupid. It made me feel alive today.

Still gutted that I hit the post today against our arch-nemesis team. Should have won, could have won.

Both my achilles tendons were on the verge of snapping on the pitch today when the referee blew the final whistle, any longer and I guess I'd be blogging from the hospital now.

Ok, I'm alive.

Met up with Di last night, after so many years. Enjoyed it, we should do it again soon. :)

2010-06-19T16:17:00.000-07:00

2010-06-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm well but I'm not well.

I'm smiling but I'm dying.

I'm laughing but I'm solemn.

I need air but I need you more.

2010-06-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

It has been so long. The only thing I've succeeded in doing is putting on a mask. I guess that will have to do for now...

I took this from Marcus' FB (I added something to it) : "A man's sadness is not measured by the amount of tears he shed, but by the number of hypocritical smiles he has put on."

So if you see me smile, smile back. Make me feel less hypocritical.

I just wish to go far far away...

2010-05-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

They say if you apply pain and pressure on another part of the body, you will not feel the initial one. Obviously it's wrong.

I'm hurting all over after 2 footie matches today but the most painful muscle in my body is still my heart.

She's been gone for almost 4 weeks now... But the night before she left, the words we said and the things we did still seems like yesterday. I still see emptiness in front of me.

Time is not my cure. It is my poison.

2010-05-28T10:07:00.000-07:00

Say what you mean,

Mean what you say,

You might not have another chance, another day.

Tomorrow may not come,

It's not so certain,

The sun will rise,

But not my curtain.

Give it your all, give it your best,

Even when you fall,

Yourself you won't detest.

It's not over till she sings,

But even when she does,

My heart of hearts still stings.

goodbye...

2010-05-20T11:37:00.003-07:00

A letter, a surprise, a well-wish, our goodbyes. A tear and a hug, we'll never be that far apart.

2010-05-18T12:17:00.001-07:00

I'm too unstable. Somebody please take me away, far away.

2010-05-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

Love is evil

Love is blind

Love does wonders

It puts everything in line

Love brings smiles

Love brings happiness

Take it all away

You're left with emptiness

Love makes the world go round

Love brings the lost to be found

Round to where it all began

Now here we go again

Saying goodbye never hurt so much

The night of many a gentle touch

Shreds my heart to pieces

One of them has left with you

Now the heart will never be whole

Even as I try to mend

The road is suddenly vague

Just after this bend

Time heals all pain

They say it's the anti venom

But dying off I am

I guess I'm putting on poison

In my dreams we are together

In real life we're far from it

Waking up is pure agony

But tonight I'll dream another

You'll be back soon enough

Two months never seemed that tough

My arms will be wide open for you

But walk past them is what you'll do

You'll be gone again far away

Never to come back to this way

If this land brings you happiness not

I just wish you forget me not

Goodbye.

2010-05-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

The ultimate sacrifice for another's happiness will be your own. I hope my sacrifice is worth it, and that she'll be happy. It seems that this land and myself are not good enough.

She has left. She'll be back but it's all never going to be the same again...

2010-05-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

You know that the result will be well worth the wait... But the wait is pure agony. That is precisely what I'm feeling now. Sigh...

2010-05-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

Now that the papers are over, it's time to focus on something else. Something so dear to me. Judgment Day beckons.

2010-05-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

If this is a preview of things to come, I couldn't be more happier... I was trying to control my happiness before, in fear that I might fall harder if I were too happy just a few days ago. But now, I'm too happy to control anything anymore. Even if I fall, so be it. Because nothing beats the feeling I have now.

It's almost as if my sunshine gave me the strength to overcome even my fears regarding her, us. So now I feel stronger than ever, ready to tackle what comes my way, her way, our way. Invincible, I may not be, but I'd like to think she's given me superpowers... :)

Speaking of superpowers, it brings me to Ironman 2... Which then reminds me of my promise to myself to watch it after my exams, which then reminds me of my last paper tomorrow... Alamak.

~~030510 Ethics & Governance~~

~~050510 Distribution Channels~~

060510 Human Resource Management

Just one more. Push on, James!!! RAWR!!! Power of loveeee!!!

2010-05-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Her goodnight never sounded sweeter... :)

It's her last paper tomorrow, and I really hope she says yes to my request when I call her after her last paper... Though it's just before my paper... I was never one to arrive early into the exam hall anyway...

Tonight, I will be sleeping well... It's been quite some time since I last slept well.

Kyay zu, my lovely sunshine,

and Thank You, whoever up above who is watching over me. I found a hint of bliss and I pray that I don't lose it...

2010-05-04T02:18:00.000-07:00

New name for my beautiful flower: Sunshine! :)

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,

You make me happy,

When skies are grey,

You 'll never know dear,

How much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away...

(^_^)

Ok back to "Retailing" textbook... :(

2010-05-03T12:43:00.001-07:00

I love that cute sound my beautiful girl makes while she's asleep and then answers the phone... :)

If I'm in a dream, don't wake me up.

2010-05-03T11:39:00.001-07:00

So warm!!! So fuzzily and cuddly!!! But somehow I'm afraid to be happy...

2010-05-03T10:06:00.001-07:00

2010-05-03T03:29:00.000-07:00

One down, two to go...

~~030510 Ethics & Governance~~

050510 Human Distribution Channels

060510 Human Resource Management

2010-05-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

And now she's warm again... But I'll be reserved, I'll be apprehensive. What's going on?

Anyway I'm gonna try (as impossible as it may be) to not think of this whole situation and concentrate on my exams for the moment... Since I just started today anyway.

Here goes:

030510 Ethics & Governance

050510 Human Distribution Channels

060510 Human Resource Management

Aim: To start studying for each paper the day before the paper... Hah!

As I told Andrew today, this Friday, if we drink, it could be in celebration, or for the purpose of drowning sorrows... And it's nothing related to exams. The real judgment day is after the exams...

Anyway, wish me luck...

Ah ja ah ja! (Something flower taught me today... :D)

2010-05-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

Tried in vain to sleep again. Is there so much on my bloody mind? fml...

2010-04-30T17:41:00.001-07:00

Need you so so much now...

2010-04-30T17:31:00.001-07:00

It was so difficult to go to sleep just now... After doing so many things for her... Sometimes... It just feels almost as if she couldn't care any lesser... If she's just patronizing me, then God, please allow me to know earlier, even if it hurts.

Sometimes so hot, but sometimes so cold...

Sometimes I see a smile, sometimes I don't see, not even a frown.

But all the time, she is missed.

I just want her to feel loved, taken care of, and protected... By me. That's all I ever want...

But if this is all just but a masquerade, please end it now.

The unstable me.

2010-04-29T12:06:00.001-07:00

My beautiful flower cried and I feel so painful inside... I hope my little surprise package tomorrow will cheer her up...

2010-04-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

To know my beautiful flower is sick, it pains me.

To know that I can't be by her side to take care of her, it aches me.

I wish I could do more than to say "get well soon"... :(

My immunity boost pack for her didn't work... :(

I wish I could be by her side, make hot soup for her, tuck her to bed, and say "I love ya".

Can't do more now, or can I?

Everything I do, I wanna do it for her.

Quite simply, because she's my everything.

I do hope she gets well before her first paper on the eve of her birthday...

2010-04-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

I now know it is possible to miss somebody too much.

I also know that it is possible to love someone too much.

Insatiable, it is.

24/7, she's always on my mind. :)

2010-04-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

I remember

I remember every look upon your face,

Smiling upon me with such grace,

Cute as you are when you look up and think,

Every time we talk our hearts would link.

I remember every word you said,

Your next words I do await,

I still have a lot to say,

All my love will go your way.

I remember every time you smile,

Even if it takes quite a while,

Your giggles make me go so weak,

Even if you just say, "eek".

I remember every time we touch,

Emotions within so much,

Holding the hands of an angel so lovely,

But without you my days so lonely.

I want to remember you always,

Etched as a tattoo in my heart.

I remember you, I miss you, I need you.

Most importantly, I Love You.

2010-04-23T00:23:00.000-07:00

2010-04-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

How I'd wish.

How I'd wish to kiss your forehead when you sleep,
Into your dreams you enter so deep,
Hold your hand when the times get rough,
No amount of you will be enough.

How I'd wish to wipe away those tears,
To chase away all your fears,
Hold you by my side so close,
Look into your eyes when we are nose to nose.

How I'd wish to tell you how beautiful you are,
Like a glittering stone from afar,
Opening the car door when you enter,
The picture of beauty would be your mirror.

How I'd wish to say goodnight,
Protect you with all my might,
Holding on to your hand so tight,
And tell you everything will be alright.

My beautiful flower, my baby girl, my love,

I love you.

2010-04-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

Been listening to this Indonesian song that Angel recommended for some time, and I really like the vibe that this band brings... Though I really don't have a clue about what they are singing about... Except for a few words.

So here's Doy by Kangen Band.

2010-04-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

Knowing she is not feeling ok, makes me feel many times worse. Her silence about it just makes it that much more painful. Then again, it's been so long since she spoke about anything at all. And I've been feeling this shit for just as long.

I have so many questions, but zero answers. I want, no... I need to know many things. It seems I'm on a path to certain insanity, and the only detour is her. But it seems I'm just another fork in her road, a split in direction that doesn't lead to anything.

Maybe after the exams, as she said, we'll make this all better. Or is that just another figure of speech filled with endless riddles? But I still believe in her... After all this, I still believe in her. I cannot afford not to.

Fml, it's not a figure of my speech, but literally, fuck this. If I had a penny for every time I sighed about this... I want to be a pauper.

It's too painful to carry on like that.

2010-04-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

The silent night, the silent you.

So cold.

Not a day goes by without thinking of you.

But today is just too difficult. I don't know why.

When one is able to tip my scales so much with a simple touch, I was made to love her.

2010-04-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

The way our palms clasped, the way our bodies fit when we embraced, I knew I was made to love you.

We're gonna make this right. We will.

For love, is we.

And my only definition of we, is just you and me.

You and me, hand in hand, heart to heart.

For tomorrow and for always.

I love you so much.

2010-04-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I only know I cannot take another fall.

2010-04-12T10:22:00.001-07:00

The simplest thing she does plasters a wide smile on my face, although I really do need a plaster on the back of my head now...

Let's just say I woke up with blood on the pillow... :x

But all's good, because she has been my remedy for today. Maybe the dream interpretation was correct, was good. I shouldn't be this worried...

"It's really good to hear your voice,

Saying my name it sounds so sweet,

Comin' from the lips of an angel

Hearin' those words they make me weak..."

2010-04-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

"I don't know anything anymore", "You know, I don't know" seems to be on my lips everytime.

I'm aching all over, and it's not just physiological. It's really painful inside.

Save me.

2010-04-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

Whoever sees my tears in the night?

Whoever cries when I lost the fight?

Whoever screams in agony when he's alone?

Whoever wishes it's your heart he's won?

Whoever is the one that misses you all the time,

For you are his only life's line,

Whoever is the one that loves you for you, girl,

For you, to him, is his world.

However long you may take,

Even as tears fall whenever I'm awake,

Say that we can be together,

With you in my arms, forever.

2010-04-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

These dreams of me and her... They are really taking their toll on me... They feel so real and I am so happy with her in every one of them but they really make me feel fucked up when I eventually awake. And this awakening is usually just 2 or 3 hours after my bed time so my whole sleep is affected. It really sucks to be missing someone so bad. I know how to console myself... Take time to go out, be with friends, do something else... At the end of the day I still have to come home to my room and sleep right?

She's really in my heart and mind the whole time, and I can't avoid it. I think of her all the time, I can't even escape in sleep. But I'm so happy when I'm around with her, in those dreams. Maybe I don't want to escape. Maybe she's the drug that I'm addicted to. I thought I told myself to be stronger... I thought I would be better this time. I guess I'm just weak.

This feeling really sucks... Really. Maybe I'm driving myself insane. Argh.

2010-04-11T03:11:00.000-07:00

Shinedown - Breaking Inside

I caught a chill
and it's still frozen on my skin
I think about why
I'm alone, by myself
No one else to explain
how far do I go?
No one knows
If the end is so much better, why don't we just live forever?
Don't tell me I'm the last one in line
Don't tell me I'm too late this time

[Chorus]
I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside

Out here, nothings clear
Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited
Disappear into the fear
You know there ain't no comin' back
When you're still carrying the past
You can't erase, separate
Cigarette in my hand,
Hope you all understand

I won't be the last one in line
I finally figured out what's mine

[Chorus]
I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside

I won't be the last one in line,
I finally figured out what's mine

[Chorus]
I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside
And I feel like I'm breaking,
I feel like i'm breaking inside

2010-04-11T03:04:00.000-07:00

Maybe... But I'll fight destiny, I'll fight anything. But I won't fight you.

2010-04-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

You can be as warm as the sunshine,

You can be as cold as the icy glaciers.

A question I ask that starts with your name,

But nonchalance is also part of your game.

Being in your warmth and chill has weakened me,

When you finally turn around I'll be the one you see.

Out of this state we need to be,

Take my hand for love is we.

2010-04-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

iPod, iPhone, iPad, iMac, iDon'tthinkI'mfeelingstableanymore.

2010-04-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

I thought I meant something to you. Maybe I thought wrong.

2010-04-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

I thought I'm over this feeling. Shit. Why do I feel like that again? She's really hot and cold. When she's cold, the world froze over. My world. I feel like fuck now. I think I am missing her too much. I only wanted to hear her voice and I can't. I only want to see her and I can't.

If I'm only just another passing train in her life, I only hope she just tells me. Don't make me wait at the station... Please.

2010-04-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

How to know when your heart has sank the lowest? When you feel cold, together with that familiar sinking feeling, and with a little tear in the eyes. You choke on your words but you feel you have so much to say. You want to shout it all out but nothing comes out. You curl up into a ball and wonder what has happened to you. You just want to get rid of this feeling but at the end of it you know you are feeling this because you care, and because you are human.

I think I care too much, and I am too human. But how can I not care... How can I act as if it's alright... To do so, would be a hypocrite. I don't want to be one. Somebody hit the "play" button on my life, because it has paused. But not just anybody...

Only my baby girl can.

2010-04-08T08:45:00.001-07:00

It's pathetic when I have to pray to God before giving her a call. I'm pathetic. Sigh. :(

2010-04-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'm bigger than you.

2010-04-07T10:22:00.000-07:00

You reeled me in to such a close proximity of your arms, so that you can push me away with your bare hands. And then the cycle continues. I hate this but I love you. A sudden turn of a direction, a sudden change of an attitude. A sudden flick of the switch and the lights are off. The fire stops burning. The warmth is lost. It is cold again. I look to you and all I see is your back, because you turned around. But it is alright, because I will watch your back, make sure no harm comes to you. Till the day you turn back to me, and we embrace - again.

It's cold out here and I miss you girl.

Come back into my embrace... Will you?

2010-04-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

I feel like cooking something.

I feel like doing something.

I feel like filling up a gap.

Maybe I'm missing my baby girl too much.

Maybe, just maybe, she's thinking of me too.

2010-04-05T12:45:00.001-07:00

Oh, and yea I know... All I talk about is just footie and her. Only because these are the 2 things keeping me smiling, kicking, and breathing right now... :)

2010-04-05T12:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead yet. :)

Just been kinda happy actually, these days... But what I have now is definitely more than what I had a few weeks back...

For one, what I got is a beautiful diving glancing header goal to add to my goal tally! :) Only guys who play footie would understand that, but it's my first time scoring with my head, so I'm happy.

I got a new pair of footie socks, so I'm happy. (And they are Manchester United socks. So I'm happier.)

I am having fun doing nothing these few days, so I'm happy.

And for things with my beautiful baby flower, well, let's just say that things are going well, but of course, they could get much better. Anyways, so I'm happy.

Making do with what I got? Yea, you are right. I will try my best to. :)

I won't remind myself how United lost to Chelsea... No.

I won't remind myself how the skin of my knee tore due to my goal celebration... No.

I won't remind myself how many multiple simultaneous injuries I got... No.

I won't remind myself how much I miss my beautiful flower... No. (Though I can't)

I won't remind myself how I am dying to stroke her beautiful long hair again... No.

I won't remind myself how much I miss her cute giggles... No.

But I will remind myself, that I Love Her... Then again... Do I need to? :)

"People always say that when you sneeze, somebody is thinking of you. But I don't believe it, for you would have a flu by now, baby girl. :)"