I feel like the old me has really died. Sometimes I wonder if this is just a passing phase or has something inside me really passed away. I can't bring myself to laugh wholeheartedly anymore. Every smile I make is just another to mask the awkward moments. But if there's one thing I know, it's that she can revive the old me back to life. She will be the cure to everything. The elixir of life.

Unfortunately I can't afford this treatment to my terminal disease... yet.

I can't bring myself to tell her the truth because I know it would only make her feel worse than she already does. So what else can I do but to shake my head, down a few more beers, and hope for the better?

But something IS really dead. I just can't find it and I don't really know what it is.