I never wanted to be 'one of those'. Marching to a different tune and singing to a different song, this is, yours sincerely, Me.
James
Talk No More
Sunday, March 07, 2010 @
She asked me, last night, if I was annoyed and edgy waiting for it to happen... I thought to myself, "I actually have a pretty good reason to be edgy, because it's really been too long... And I haven't lived my life properly for the good part of 3 to 4 months now..." But I am not. Through these times, I guess a better way to describe my feelings would be uncertainty, worry, anxiety, and a hint of depression. But I will never be annoyed with her... How could I bear to?
But it seems until that day it happens, I will never be able to do anything right. Because my mind is constantly filled with images of her and us. Even when I sleep, I can't escape her, because I constantly dream of us being together. I think just maybe, I never felt more trapped in my entire life. Trapped in my self constructed jail bars made of love - for her. I just hope she bails me out soon.
I find myself thinking recently "What if one day, something happens to me... Would she have regretted anything? As in regretted not telling me the things she wanted to tell me?" But I always come to the same conclusions, which are:
1) She may not even be thinking of us at all... But I usually end up with
2) I have to be around her just in case she needs me... One day.
Between now and then till the day we are finally together, I just hope I don't feel as lonely as I do now. Missing her so bad it eats my heart up alive. Missing her so bad it hurts. Missing her so bad I think I lost myself and I am going crazy. Save me, will you, girl?
The Way I Live - James
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